An Obituary

This entire post is dedicated to the memory of my trusty Swiss Army knife, which regrettably is no more having been confiscated by Security at Liverpool John Lennon airport. I had taken it to Kent the previous weekend as part of my camping equipment but then forgot it was in my bag, hence it's unexpected and no doubt starring appearance on the airport X-ray screens! I've had that penknife for something approaching 30 years and I was truly devastated to see it taken away as a potentially dangerous and malicious tool. Especially as that penknife has never hurt or upset anybody. It's only ever brought joy to the World. It's cut when things needed cutting, it's sawn when things needed sawing, it's both screwed and unscrewed, it's magnified very small objects, it's uncorked corks, it's removed bottle tops and performed numerous other tasks, often in emergency situations when nothing else was available. In fact it's done everything for me over the years other than maybe removing stones from horses hooves - which incidentally it was fully equipped to do ! I've since replaced it with a near identical model and I'm sure my new Swiss Army knife will prove equally as useful and long lasting, but, if I'm really being honest..... it will just never be the same.

Final note: I was given the option of posting the knife back home but I had to buy a padded 'jiffy bag' from a vending machine to do so. The cost was £4 and the machine took large coins only. The machine did not give change. I had £20 on my person in notes, as well as both credit & cash cards. The machine did not accept either notes or cards so I didn't have the £4 needed, in the denomination required. The security guards do not exchange money so I didn't have any alternative but to accept the loss of the item. It does make me wonder whether this is part of their plan when they install a 'cash only' non-change giving, vending machine & set the cost at such a specific amount before placing it in a secure environment where you can't return with the necessary cash and a no doubt, unwanted magazine or newspaper procured from the first shop on the other side!

Friday was a glorious day, warm and sunny 'a perfect day for being off work' I remember thinking..... as I peered out of the office window and wished that I was ! However tomorrow was Saturday and I would be off to enjoy the sun. Saturday dawned and I eagerly drew back the blinds to discover black, leaden clouds and torrential rain. Bugger ! If I was going to find some sunshine I'd have to travel a little further afield than my own back garden. I only had 2 hopes and unfortunately one of them was Bob - and he's dead. The other hope was to travel to not only the British Isles most southerly location but also it's sunniest, Jersey. The flight leaves in a couple of hours so I better get a wriggle on.

Jersey is a part of the British Isles but it isn't a part of the United Kingdom nor Great Britain. Additionally, it isn't a part of the European Union. It is officially designated as a Crown Dependency and looks after it's own affairs. As such Gordon Brown is not the Prime Minister. Jersey is a mere 14 miles from France which makes it closer to France than the UK mainland, which is 87 miles away. In fact the Channel Islands were historically French, having been a part of Brittany until 933 whereupon they was passed to the Duchy of Normandy. The Duke retained control until they were passed to his descendant, the man who became known as William The Conqueror. William subsequently conquered England In 1066 and brought England and the Duchy of Normandy under one Monarch. The Channel Islands have been a dependency of the British Isles ever since.

I have been to The Channel Islands on several occasions and have visited the Islands of Jersey, Guernsey, Sark & Herm. On each occasion however I've arrived, and left, by yacht having crossed the channel overnight whilst trying desperately to avoid the Ironmongery in the busy shipping lanes. I've therefore never previously flown into the Islands. Despite my embarrassing terrorist moment at the X Ray screen, which resulted in a Security Guard opening my bag and rummaging about my clothes meaning that I had more fingers running past my undies than Paris Hilton on Prom night, the rest of my trip was uneventful. It did however have one funny moment when the two school aged girls sitting next to me, mistook the coast of Normandy as Jersey itself and exclaimed astonishment at how large it was. "It goes on for miles" was one such comment, "we'll never ride our bikes around that". Brilliant !



As seems customary for my trips these days, I had to catch the bus from the airport to St Helier town centre. As always I had no idea where I had to get off but the bus gave it's destination as "St Hellier - Liberation Square" and I thought that sounded like a good place to start my exploration. I could therefore stay on until it reached the terminus. I didn't realise that once the bus gets to Liberation Square , the driver changes the destination sign at the front of the bus, so it reads "Airport" and it makes it's return journey !! Fortunately, I spotted the statue at Liberation Square and made my exit at the next stop. Coincidentally this was about 50 metres from my hotel ! Result.



Jersey has around 2000 hours of sunshine per year and is home to less than 100,000 people although numbers are heavily swollen by tourists. Luckily for me, today was using up around 15 of those 2000 hours as the sun was beating down with some venom. There was quite a breeze blowing across the Island reducing the temperature in the exposed areas but also making it very pleasant and not at all oppressive. As I had already found my hotel, but as usual it was too early to check in, I went to explore.

I always gravitate towards the marina and this was no exception. I soon found myself looking out at the myriad of yachts tied up alongside the pontoons, although those outside of the marina wall were lying forlorn on the mudflats due to the outgoing tide. Jersey has one of the largest tidal movements on earth, rising and falling by an average of 40ft each day which increases the Islands landmass by a third at low tide. Along the marina walls a Blues music festival was taking place on one side and, on the opposite side, there was a Saturday market. Both were very well attended. At the Saturday market, the stalls appeared to be largely populated by French sellers who were offering for sale a large collection of foodstuffs, including sweets, bread, pastries, fresh fruit, vegetables, meat & crepes giving the market a decidedly French feel. The language was very much "Franglais" as people were openly conversing in both languages, often switching mid sentence and french questions were often met with English answers and vice versa. For the most part I could understand it all which I was quite pleased about.

I bought the largest hotdog outside of the USA when I purchased a truly enormous sausage - cooked on a huge barbecue - in half a baguette. The hot dog must have been 12" in length but with a good dollop of tommy sauce, which it has to be said can only be described as having ejaculated itself from the bottle, was truly delicious. I wandered around for an hour or so soaking in the atmosphere. As I'm a cheap skate I had taken the opportunity to acquire a couple of free bottles of beer from the lounge at Liverpool airport and it was here that I thought that I would open one. So surrounded by stalls selling beer and wine to the massed throng of festival and market go-ers, I enjoyed a pleasant free drink in the sunshine.



I eventually pulled myself away from the crowds and went into St Helier itself. As it was a Saturday the main shopping areas were naturally busy. The shops were the usual mix of high street chains and local independent boutiques. What I like about the shops in the Channel Islands is their size is much smaller than you get in the cities of the mainland and as such they seem to complement the town, rather than dominate it. Once away from the main shopping precincts, the crowds immediately disappeared and the area took on a french feel once again. Shuttered buildings, cobbled streets and numerous attractive squares with street side cafes and bars. All over St Helier there was a decidedly holiday atmosphere.



Eventually I found myself leaving the central area of St Helier and approaching a large inviting area of green space called Howard Davis Park. According to the small plaque screwed to the wall, Howard Davis was killed in the First World War and the land, owned by his father, was donated to the Island in his memory. The park was fantastic and probably the best park I had been in since I visited Cornwall Park in Auckland New Zealand back in 2006. The park was very nicely maintained, with lots of blooming flowerbeds, neatly clipped grass, and an abundance of trees. At one end, there was a small, neat chapel and beautiful cemetery containing little crosses marking the last resting place of several soldiers killed on the Island during the 2nd World War.





I spent a couple of hours in the park, just taking it easy and watching the people go by, and all under a brilliant blue sky. Eventually, I realised that it was after 4pm and decided that I best check into the hotel as that's always an exciting part of any trip. Will it be any good ? Will it have a balcony ? Will it have a decent selection of TV channels ?? I wasn't disappointed.... well, apart from not having a balcony !



I was booked into the Royal Yacht Hotel right across from Liberation Square (and shown above) and it was very impressive and not especially expensive. The room was very nice, had a wall mounted wide screen TV, a sumptuous bed & a mini bar. The hotel itself had a gym, pool, several bars and restaurants and generally felt classy and exclusive. I highly recommend it should you be looking for a St Helier hotel.

After a couple of hours of doing nothing in particular, I headed out, once again, into St Helier for a meal and another wander. Many of the people who had populated the town centre earlier had given way to the party set. The bars & restaurants were beginning to fill. I stayed out until quite late, well after dark and eventually retired to bed and to my huge TV !

The following morning was breezier than the day before and the sunshine was largely hidden behind heavy cloud cover. I had breakfast in my room, showered and generally had a lazy morning before checking out of the hotel. I went shopping. Eventually the time came for me to leave the Island and head for the airport for my flight home.

As I seem to say regularly in these posts, a fantastic weekend was had and yet I barely saw anything of the Island really. I must, like Paris, make this an annual trip but maybe next time, I'll try and go for longer so that I've time to explore further afield. I love the Channel Islands and I think if you went too, so would you. If you've already visited, you'll know what I mean and if you haven't, then you really must try to go there. It's not quite French, yet it's not quite British. It's the best of both World's. Just make sure you don't take your penknife or, if you do, ensure you've got £4 for the postage !

Things that made me smile this week

Ever been followed by a police car for so long that you started doubting you own innocence ??

Until the next time.....

Camping, Rabbits and Warships

I've never previously been woken by gunfire. Not even when several of us had spent the night at the Range keepers cottage on the Ash Rifle Range close to Sandhurst, during my Naval days. It had been 5:55 AM on a Saturday morning and I was asleep in a tent, which to the best of my knowledge was not bullet proof as it would surely have said so on the bag - and someone very close by was shooting live bullets. The sudden gunshot startled me from my slumber .....but I was probably not as startled as the doe eyed and presumably, now ex-rabbit the gunman was aiming at.

I had driven down the previous evening to the Hawthorn Farm campsite at Martin Mill on the outskirts of Dover in Kent where I had arranged to meet my younger Bro, Sis in Law and the rinky dinks. The rinky's were asleep when I finally rolled up in semi darkness, following a rather long and occasionally tedious five and a half hour trip from the North West. The tent was quickly pitched, illuminated by car headlights and after a meal and a catch up we all retired to our respective tents.

The campsite was lovely and very peaceful, apart from the gunfire obviously ! The camping fields were flat, lush and luckily not too busy. The facilities were well maintained and were within easy reach from our location. There was an extremely large population of rabbits and these were clearly very used to living alongside people as they came very close to the various tents to claim the lushest of grass. This with hindsight, was probably an error on their part, given the gunshots we were to hear the following morning, however maybe not suprising given that rabbits are generally thicker than a Japanese' tourists photo album !


Following our rude awakening the following morning, we rose, lit a fire, prepared breakfast, showered and eventually headed off to the hugely impressive Dover Castle and the infamous secret underground wartime tunnels.

One of the largest castles in the country, and surely one of the best preserved, it is strategically located at the shortest crossing point to the continent. Dover Castle has played a prominent part in our nations history which can be traced back to the Iron Age. A Roman Lighthouse and an Anglo-Saxon church can still be seen within the castle walls and both are visible in the lower of the 2 photo's below.


William (The Conqueror) of Normandy strengthened existing Anglo-Saxon fortifications in 1066, but it was Henry II who really developed the castle when he had the fortifications rebuilt in the 1180's. This development added a huge keep & a series of concentric defences. As the centuries passed, the defences were continually enlarged and improved. The castle maintained a military role until well into the mid twentieth century. Beneath the castle are a series of huge underground tunnels which were kept secret until fairly recently. These tunnels were used extensively by the Armed Forces during the Second World War and under the Command of Admiral Ramsay, became the command post for the planning of the Dunkirk evacuation.

The tunnels were excellent and were far larger than I had imagined. We were guided through the various rooms which included a military hospital, telephone exchange, and numerous other areas which were used by all of the Services as part of the war effort.

The Castle was also very interesting to visit, despite a howling wind. The Castle was beautifully maintained, as you can see in the pictures and it was difficult to believe that it has stood for something approaching 1000 years !

The following day we decided to visit the Impressive Victorian, South Foreland Lighthouse on the Cliffs between Dover and St Margarets. It was built in the 1840's to warn ships approaching the nearby Goodwin Sands and was finally taken out of service in 1988 whereupon it was bought by the National Trust. South Foreland has the distinction of being the first lighthouse in the World to use an electric light. The lighthouse was also used by Guglielmo Marconi during his work on radio waves.

Originally there was another lighthouse further down towards the cliff which was built to be used in conjunction with South Foreland in order to give a bearing as to a safe route to take across the sands. However, the Sands shifted over the following years until this bearing became dangerously inaccurate and so the lower light was taken out of service in 1910.

The sands themselves are infamous and the water is so shallow across them that, each year at low tide, a game of cricket takes place on the sands themselves. As you would expect the sands have claimed a huge number of shipwrecks over the years and each one had been meticulously mapped. The numbers of ships lost was truly astonishing.

The lighthouse is not accessible by car so we had to park in St Margarets and then navigate the remaining mile or so, by way of SatNav, using the paths and bridle ways that criss cross the cliffs. Sat Nav is a tremendous invention as I've mentioned previously. The ability to navigate your way by road using it, then to remove the device from the car, switch it to walking routes, and then be navigated along a wooded and overgrown path to the destination makes it truly one of the greatest inventions ever !

I'd never visited a lighthouse before although I had always fancied living and working in one. As people who know me will confirm, I'm more than happy in my own company so the thought of spending 6 months a year in a circular house with nothing but myself to keep me company doesn't phase me at all. Unfortunately for me, Trinity House automated all of it's lighthouses during the 80's & 90's and the final manned lighthouse, coincidentally a stone's throw up the coast at North Foreland, closed its doors in 1998.

Once again the wind was blowing quite hard but then again, we were standing on the Dover White Cliffs 300 feet above the English Channel. The lighthouse was wonderful, a breathtaking pure white stone in colour, a Union flag waving enthusiastically on its flagpole alongside. The lighthouse itself was quite small on the inside and had that distinctive smell of warm oil as you entered through the low door. The lighthouse was full of visitors and the logistics of getting everybody up and down the tight, spiral staircases without meeting people coming in the opposite direction, seemed quite a feat. Our guide recounted the lighthouses history and showed us the weight mechanism that turned the optical lens cage upstairs. The light itself - a considerably larger version of the light bulbs you have in your houses - doesn't move, as it is the lens that surrounds it that spins, flashing 3 lights every 20 seconds. In the maritime World, every lighthouse within 100 nautical miles has a unique identifier. So you may have a single flash on one lighthouse and a 3 flash light on another and maybe a 2 short flash and 2 long flash on a third.

Eventually we ended up in the lighthouse chamber itself and thereafter onto the terrace at the very top of the building. The view was wonderful despite the visibility not being very good and the wind seemed to be blowing even harder in this lofty position. Apparently, the bulb on this lighthouse is the highest above sea level, of any lighthouse in the UK. This is mainly due to it's location perched on top of the 300 foot cliffs.

We finally came down and headed back to the car along the path, stopping off for tea & scones at a fantastic tea shop as we approached St Margarets. As we left the property, wiping crumbs from our faces, we bid each other our farewells and headed home. Great weekend.... well maybe not if you're a rabbit !

The previous weekend, I had visited the Royal Navy's flagship, the Invincible Class Aircraft Carrier, Ark Royal. The Ark was in Liverpool for the weekend where it was taking part in some official duties but was also open for public viewing. I decided to go and take a look as Ark Royal has always been my favourite ship. The ship was berthed at the brand new Cruise Ship facility at The Pier Head and was hugely popular as she had not visited the city previously in her 23 year history. Unfortunately this trip coincided with the Liverpool Lord Mayors Parade and this meant that the traffic was horrendous and also that the ships visitor numbers were probably dramatically inflated. This may well have been a bonus for the Navy but it did mean that thousands of us were unable to board as the queue was closed for new joiners several hours earlier than planned. I queued for 2 1/2 hours and was still turned away ! The ship was impressive, although I had seen her several times before in Portsmouth. I did notice however that she was showing signs of rust, most of which had been cosmetically painted to hide the brown staining. On my way back to the car park, I was gutted to discover that my camera battery had died. This was because, as I walked along the water front, I spotted a car sailing past me on the Mersey ! Not a sight I had ever witnessed before. Clearly this was some sort of amphibious car, complete with wheels and number plates being driven down the river by a ruddy faced man with an especially fat neck ! I wish I had a photo for you but alas I'll have to leave it to your imagine.

So we started with gunfire, we ended with warships and had fortified castles and 2nd World War operations in the middle, making this one of my more violent blogs. Next time I post It'll be a little more gentile as I'm off to the formerly Nazi occupied Island of Jersey ! So nothing very violent to report there !

Things that made me smile this week:-

My Colleague Dave, passed wind and then explained "It's better to have an empty house than a rogue tenant "

And on that note ......