Don't mention the war

I've just been urinated on by a lion ! That's right, a lion. I'm not talking about a cute and cuddly 6 week old lion cub either, you know the sort that drinks out of babies bottles and makes guest appearances on Blue Peter. No, I'm talking about a full grown adult male lion. The type of lion that snacks on freshly caught, and often still twitching, wildebeest whilst David Attenborough whispers at a camera from a safe distance. In fact I was urinated on by that very same lion you can see above ! The whole episode was a unique experience and one I never thought I'd get to experience. Worryingly, I don't have a change of clothes and I'm going home in a couple of hours. I pity the person sitting next to me this afternoon !

I had arrived a couple of days earlier into bracing Easter weekend weather. I had walked purposefully, my head bowed as the hailstones stung my face. Icy droplets of water ran down my neck. A strong, gusting, headwind slowed my progress. My hands were so cold, climate change specialists were flying in to perform experiments on me and witness the effects. Spring had clearly not yet 'sprung' on the streets of Berlin.

One of the reasons that I enjoy these city breaks is the sense of adventure. The adventure of coping with the language for example. You see German isn't one of my strongest subjects, due largely to the combined efforts of allied forces during the Second World War which meant that the Third Reich never made it as far north as Bebington, although not for the want of trying ! Another such adventure is the delight of turning a simple address on a printed email into a welcoming hotel room. As the weather was so inclement I was determined to do this as quickly as possible and thanks to a truly excellent public transport system, I was expeditiously conveyed to Kurfurstendamm in the fashionable West of the city. According to my guide book, the hotel was only a couple of minutes away from the U-Bahn (underground rail system) station that I had arrived at. Well an hour later I was still searching but then remembered that I hadn't unpacked my SatNav, so I still had it with me! Result !!! After selecting "walking routes" I punched the address into the SatNav and discovered that I was a mere 450 yards from the hotel and less than 5 minutes later I was standing cold, wet and shivering in the reception, checking into my room. I really don't think that I would have found the hotel without the delights of TomTom. As for my guide book, If I ever find the author then I swear, I will punch him repeatedly in the face..... and then kick him in the nuts for good measure because "You Sir, are a blithering idiot!" The nursery rhyme "Incey Wincey Spider" contains more factual information than your stupid book. Throughout the entire weekend, his book took me to the wrong roads, the wrong stations or heading in the wrong direction to the various landmarks that I wanted to view. At one point I thought it must be me, but then I remembered that I've been lucky enough to travel the World and despite the odd interesting moment (getting to Disneyland Paris last year for example) I've always managed to get myself around without too much confusion. The problem, I deduced, must be the stupid guide book and as soon as I dispensed with it's services, normal successful navigational service was resumed.

The following morning I woke early and was rather dismayed to see a dusting of snow on the ground and the trees bent double in a howling wind. No need for the shorts and sunglasses today. I headed off to the Brandenburg Gate. Built originally in 1795 as Berlin's answer to the Acropolis in Athens, it is the quintessential symbol of Berlin. It stands at the end of the Unter den Linden, Berlin's really impressive feature road (think of it as Berlin's, Champs de Ellesse). Bizarrely in 1806 during the French occupation, the Brandenburg Gate was dismantled block by block and taken to Paris on Napoleon's orders (we'll call that our first Berlin fact) although it was later brought back. It's return in 1814 was hailed by the Prussians as a victory over the French and It has remained a symbol of German successes ever since.

From the Brandenburg Gate I made my way to No 77 Voss Strasse. This insignificant looking office building was actually the office of Hitler himself and that of the 3rd Reich. I then proceeded to the German House of Parliament, The Reichstag. This building was constructed between 1884 and 1894 but came to real prominence in 1933 when the main hall was destroyed by fire after an alleged communist plot to destroy it. The subsequent witch hunt by Hitler and the Nazi's was largely responsible for their rise to power.

A short U-bahn trip later and I was standing at another of Berlin's most famous and thought provoking landmarks, Checkpoint Charlie. This was the 3rd (Alpha, Bravo, Charlie, get it ?) checkpoint between the American and Soviet border crossings. Between 1961 and 1989, it was the only border crossing between East and West Berlin. It's notoriety really stems from an incident in 1961 when American and Soviet tanks faced each other from their respective sides, only metres apart. The standoff lasted 2 full days before political manoeuvres orchestrated a synchronised withdrawal by both sides.

Checkpoint Charlie, a rather inauspicious hut, was a seething mass of tourists, notably Japanese who wandered in large groups blocking the roads and pavements as they queued for pictures with the guards (actors who were dressed in both US and Soviet military uniforms) holding their respective countries flags. The snow was still falling and the temperature was truly freezing, as cold as I can ever remember in my lifetime. I eventually sought sanctuary on the U-Bahn and latterly in the TV Tower observation deck. The TV Tower, or Telespargel as the locals refer to it, is Berlin's largest structure standing at 365 metres (1,197 feet) above the city streets. The tower as you might imagine is visible all over Berlin, much as the Eiffel Tower is in Paris. The view from the top was unfortunately quite poor on my visit due to the low cloud which on occasions was even below the observation deck for brief moments. It was however warm and dry and that, on a day such as this, was a welcome blessing.

I made a brief visit to the "Topographie des Terrors", a Nazi war crimes exhibit on the site of what once had been the headquarters of the SS and The Gestapo. This also meant it served as the offices of Heinrich Himmler and Joseph Goebels. The building itself had been rightly demolished after the war and despite efforts to build a proper exhibition hall in its place, the site remains a wasteland underfoot. However, during the demolition works following the end of the war, the underground torture chambers were discovered and these are today used as the mountings for the exhibition that visitors can now view. The picture below shows the exhibition mounted on the torture chamber walls with a short section of the Berlin Wall to the rear.

I then went further into East Berlin to view one of the remaining sections of the Berlin Wall. This wall was once 97 miles long (of which 27 miles separated East Berlin from West Berlin, fact fans) and stood a mere 4 metres high. I always imaged the wall to be taller and more robust than it was. It looked to me that using nothing more than a step ladder, procured from the local Berlin B und Q, the wall could be scaled without any trouble at all. However, crossing the minefield, flesh hungry Alsatians and trigger happy guards on the other side might prove a more lively problem ! Official figures are disputed but it is widely believed that 192 people were killed by border guards whilst trying to cross the wall from the East side - although the East German Government denied that such a policy existed - and it is rumoured that around 5,000 actually managed to escape between 1961 and the 9th November 1989, the date when President Gorbachev ordered the withdrawal of his border guards and the wall was effectively breached, ending separation.

The wall has largely been demolished and very little of it remains now. The sections that do are there for remembrance & museum purposes. I visited the largest remaining section, known as The East Side Galleries. This section is 1,300 Metres in length and the Scottish artist Chris MacLean arranged for 118 artists from 21 countries to decorate the wall. Regrettably much of the artists work has been vandalised by the local hoodies who have decorated the wall with their own mindless graffiti. Subsequently this has been added to by the worlds tourists who have largely written "Sharon woz 'ere June 1995" or something broadly similar on every imaginable area of concrete. However, some really good sections still remain as can be seen below.

After walking for most of the 1,300 metres of remaining wall, I headed off to the rather imposingly titled "Treptower Park". This vast park was lovely, even in the poor - but admittedly improving - weather. Situated in the East side of the City, it was a tranquil site to rest, away from the weekend commotion of Germany's capital. The park has the meandering River Spree running through it and was a haven for all manner of wildlife, especially water birds. There were numerous paths, trees a plenty, areas to play ball games, ride bikes, walk dogs, exercise and it was a truly pleasant place to spend some time. On a more sombre note it is also the resting place of an estimated 5,000 Soviet soldiers killed during the battle for Berlin in 1945.

The following day, I packed my admittedly meagre belongings - I like to travel light on these weekend trips as lugging suitcases around city centres isn't my idea of a fun trip - and checked out of the hotel. I headed for the Zoo and what would be my unexpected watery encounter with a Lion. The weather for the first time on my trip was lovely, almost spring like but still rather breezy and bitingly cold in the shadows. All of the photo's in this post showing blue skies were taken on this day. The Zoo is one of the oldest in the World having opened in 1844 and has the distinction of being the largest zoo in the World by way of species on display (around 14,000, fact fans) and also, the most visited (2.6 Million paying guests, another Berlin fact... educational this blog isn't it ??). The zoo made headlines In 2007 when a baby polar bear, named Knut was born and was hand raised by the keepers after it was rejected by it's mother. The zoo is one of only a small number in the World that has Giant Panda's, Bao Bao and Yan Yan, although Yan Yan was mysteriously absent, so I'm guessing he (or is it she? Chinese isn't one of my strong points either) was away trying to increase Giant Panda numbers elsewhere at another zoo. Bao Bao was asleep when I was at the enclosure so my photo is rather poor unfortunately so I haven't included it here.



The zoo was excellent, had some fantastic facilities and I was particularly impressed with the Gorilla's, hippos, aquarium and the lions. The lions were inside of their enclosure, the male was separated from the female and her cubs by way of a heavy iron panel and he clearly was not happy as he was roaring a deep and guttural roar. I was standing at the barrier fence that ran alongside the enclosure cage and was staring at my camera whilst setting it up for the next sequence of shots , when all of a sudden my fellow visitors screamed and dived for cover. At that very moment I felt a warm liquid running down my jeans. I looked up to see this adult male lion weeing on me from about 2 feet away. A unique experience. I managed to escape from this seemingly endless stream of fluid but the damage was already done. I didn't have a change of jeans and my flight was set to leave later that day. I rubbed off as much as I could but frankly, what can you do ??

My trip to the zoo was brilliant but unfortunately was cut short by me taking the wrong exit out of the aquarium and finding myself on the street outside the zoo rather than a walkway inside of it... My lack of German had caught me out. Maybe the Nazi's should have made that final push towards Bebington after all !

By the time I arrived at the airport mid afternoon, my jeans had dried and as far as I could tell, didn't smell too bad which was a relief. But then again, was anybody going to tell me that my jeans smelt of lion pee ?? I think not.

I had a fantastic weekend and if anybody wants to spend a weekend in a modern European City then I recommend Berlin. It's not as pretty as say, Paris and the truly awful weather was bad luck rather than the norm but try to make the trip if you can. The trains, trams and buses are all part of BVG and accept the same ticket. Go to a ticket machine - they all have an English language option - and buy yourself a 48 hour "Welcome Card" for zones A&B&C - (cost €18 - another Berlin Fact!) and you can hop on and off public transport around the city, without a second thought, all weekend long. Many of the public transport facilities were either especially built or refurbished for the 2006 World Cup and German efficiency is known throughout the World. Prices weren't noticeably expensive and if you're a fan of shopping then the areas around Alexanderplatz and Friedrichstrasse especially, would satisfy the most ardent shopaholic.

Anyway, It's washing day today and I must wash a particularly dirty pair of jeans that have a faint smell of wildebeest to them.

Until the next time.....