An Obituary

This entire post is dedicated to the memory of my trusty Swiss Army knife, which regrettably is no more having been confiscated by Security at Liverpool John Lennon airport. I had taken it to Kent the previous weekend as part of my camping equipment but then forgot it was in my bag, hence it's unexpected and no doubt starring appearance on the airport X-ray screens! I've had that penknife for something approaching 30 years and I was truly devastated to see it taken away as a potentially dangerous and malicious tool. Especially as that penknife has never hurt or upset anybody. It's only ever brought joy to the World. It's cut when things needed cutting, it's sawn when things needed sawing, it's both screwed and unscrewed, it's magnified very small objects, it's uncorked corks, it's removed bottle tops and performed numerous other tasks, often in emergency situations when nothing else was available. In fact it's done everything for me over the years other than maybe removing stones from horses hooves - which incidentally it was fully equipped to do ! I've since replaced it with a near identical model and I'm sure my new Swiss Army knife will prove equally as useful and long lasting, but, if I'm really being honest..... it will just never be the same.

Final note: I was given the option of posting the knife back home but I had to buy a padded 'jiffy bag' from a vending machine to do so. The cost was £4 and the machine took large coins only. The machine did not give change. I had £20 on my person in notes, as well as both credit & cash cards. The machine did not accept either notes or cards so I didn't have the £4 needed, in the denomination required. The security guards do not exchange money so I didn't have any alternative but to accept the loss of the item. It does make me wonder whether this is part of their plan when they install a 'cash only' non-change giving, vending machine & set the cost at such a specific amount before placing it in a secure environment where you can't return with the necessary cash and a no doubt, unwanted magazine or newspaper procured from the first shop on the other side!

Friday was a glorious day, warm and sunny 'a perfect day for being off work' I remember thinking..... as I peered out of the office window and wished that I was ! However tomorrow was Saturday and I would be off to enjoy the sun. Saturday dawned and I eagerly drew back the blinds to discover black, leaden clouds and torrential rain. Bugger ! If I was going to find some sunshine I'd have to travel a little further afield than my own back garden. I only had 2 hopes and unfortunately one of them was Bob - and he's dead. The other hope was to travel to not only the British Isles most southerly location but also it's sunniest, Jersey. The flight leaves in a couple of hours so I better get a wriggle on.

Jersey is a part of the British Isles but it isn't a part of the United Kingdom nor Great Britain. Additionally, it isn't a part of the European Union. It is officially designated as a Crown Dependency and looks after it's own affairs. As such Gordon Brown is not the Prime Minister. Jersey is a mere 14 miles from France which makes it closer to France than the UK mainland, which is 87 miles away. In fact the Channel Islands were historically French, having been a part of Brittany until 933 whereupon they was passed to the Duchy of Normandy. The Duke retained control until they were passed to his descendant, the man who became known as William The Conqueror. William subsequently conquered England In 1066 and brought England and the Duchy of Normandy under one Monarch. The Channel Islands have been a dependency of the British Isles ever since.

I have been to The Channel Islands on several occasions and have visited the Islands of Jersey, Guernsey, Sark & Herm. On each occasion however I've arrived, and left, by yacht having crossed the channel overnight whilst trying desperately to avoid the Ironmongery in the busy shipping lanes. I've therefore never previously flown into the Islands. Despite my embarrassing terrorist moment at the X Ray screen, which resulted in a Security Guard opening my bag and rummaging about my clothes meaning that I had more fingers running past my undies than Paris Hilton on Prom night, the rest of my trip was uneventful. It did however have one funny moment when the two school aged girls sitting next to me, mistook the coast of Normandy as Jersey itself and exclaimed astonishment at how large it was. "It goes on for miles" was one such comment, "we'll never ride our bikes around that". Brilliant !



As seems customary for my trips these days, I had to catch the bus from the airport to St Helier town centre. As always I had no idea where I had to get off but the bus gave it's destination as "St Hellier - Liberation Square" and I thought that sounded like a good place to start my exploration. I could therefore stay on until it reached the terminus. I didn't realise that once the bus gets to Liberation Square , the driver changes the destination sign at the front of the bus, so it reads "Airport" and it makes it's return journey !! Fortunately, I spotted the statue at Liberation Square and made my exit at the next stop. Coincidentally this was about 50 metres from my hotel ! Result.



Jersey has around 2000 hours of sunshine per year and is home to less than 100,000 people although numbers are heavily swollen by tourists. Luckily for me, today was using up around 15 of those 2000 hours as the sun was beating down with some venom. There was quite a breeze blowing across the Island reducing the temperature in the exposed areas but also making it very pleasant and not at all oppressive. As I had already found my hotel, but as usual it was too early to check in, I went to explore.

I always gravitate towards the marina and this was no exception. I soon found myself looking out at the myriad of yachts tied up alongside the pontoons, although those outside of the marina wall were lying forlorn on the mudflats due to the outgoing tide. Jersey has one of the largest tidal movements on earth, rising and falling by an average of 40ft each day which increases the Islands landmass by a third at low tide. Along the marina walls a Blues music festival was taking place on one side and, on the opposite side, there was a Saturday market. Both were very well attended. At the Saturday market, the stalls appeared to be largely populated by French sellers who were offering for sale a large collection of foodstuffs, including sweets, bread, pastries, fresh fruit, vegetables, meat & crepes giving the market a decidedly French feel. The language was very much "Franglais" as people were openly conversing in both languages, often switching mid sentence and french questions were often met with English answers and vice versa. For the most part I could understand it all which I was quite pleased about.

I bought the largest hotdog outside of the USA when I purchased a truly enormous sausage - cooked on a huge barbecue - in half a baguette. The hot dog must have been 12" in length but with a good dollop of tommy sauce, which it has to be said can only be described as having ejaculated itself from the bottle, was truly delicious. I wandered around for an hour or so soaking in the atmosphere. As I'm a cheap skate I had taken the opportunity to acquire a couple of free bottles of beer from the lounge at Liverpool airport and it was here that I thought that I would open one. So surrounded by stalls selling beer and wine to the massed throng of festival and market go-ers, I enjoyed a pleasant free drink in the sunshine.



I eventually pulled myself away from the crowds and went into St Helier itself. As it was a Saturday the main shopping areas were naturally busy. The shops were the usual mix of high street chains and local independent boutiques. What I like about the shops in the Channel Islands is their size is much smaller than you get in the cities of the mainland and as such they seem to complement the town, rather than dominate it. Once away from the main shopping precincts, the crowds immediately disappeared and the area took on a french feel once again. Shuttered buildings, cobbled streets and numerous attractive squares with street side cafes and bars. All over St Helier there was a decidedly holiday atmosphere.



Eventually I found myself leaving the central area of St Helier and approaching a large inviting area of green space called Howard Davis Park. According to the small plaque screwed to the wall, Howard Davis was killed in the First World War and the land, owned by his father, was donated to the Island in his memory. The park was fantastic and probably the best park I had been in since I visited Cornwall Park in Auckland New Zealand back in 2006. The park was very nicely maintained, with lots of blooming flowerbeds, neatly clipped grass, and an abundance of trees. At one end, there was a small, neat chapel and beautiful cemetery containing little crosses marking the last resting place of several soldiers killed on the Island during the 2nd World War.





I spent a couple of hours in the park, just taking it easy and watching the people go by, and all under a brilliant blue sky. Eventually, I realised that it was after 4pm and decided that I best check into the hotel as that's always an exciting part of any trip. Will it be any good ? Will it have a balcony ? Will it have a decent selection of TV channels ?? I wasn't disappointed.... well, apart from not having a balcony !



I was booked into the Royal Yacht Hotel right across from Liberation Square (and shown above) and it was very impressive and not especially expensive. The room was very nice, had a wall mounted wide screen TV, a sumptuous bed & a mini bar. The hotel itself had a gym, pool, several bars and restaurants and generally felt classy and exclusive. I highly recommend it should you be looking for a St Helier hotel.

After a couple of hours of doing nothing in particular, I headed out, once again, into St Helier for a meal and another wander. Many of the people who had populated the town centre earlier had given way to the party set. The bars & restaurants were beginning to fill. I stayed out until quite late, well after dark and eventually retired to bed and to my huge TV !

The following morning was breezier than the day before and the sunshine was largely hidden behind heavy cloud cover. I had breakfast in my room, showered and generally had a lazy morning before checking out of the hotel. I went shopping. Eventually the time came for me to leave the Island and head for the airport for my flight home.

As I seem to say regularly in these posts, a fantastic weekend was had and yet I barely saw anything of the Island really. I must, like Paris, make this an annual trip but maybe next time, I'll try and go for longer so that I've time to explore further afield. I love the Channel Islands and I think if you went too, so would you. If you've already visited, you'll know what I mean and if you haven't, then you really must try to go there. It's not quite French, yet it's not quite British. It's the best of both World's. Just make sure you don't take your penknife or, if you do, ensure you've got £4 for the postage !

Things that made me smile this week

Ever been followed by a police car for so long that you started doubting you own innocence ??

Until the next time.....